Who are your true friends?

Sometimes, you have a lot of friends in high school.

Sometimes, you keep them close after that bitter-sweet graduation ceremony.

Sometimes, you go to college.

And you make friends who will be there forever.

Friends who will be a part of your most special moments.

Sometimes, your best friend isn't the same age as you are...

Sometimes, your friends have your back no matter what.

<3 those friends make life worth it.

Sometimes, best friends have to go away for a while.

But they are always close to your heart.

I love my friends.

I consider them part of my family.

My family is my life.

What makes a best friend?

How do you know who will be there?

Who knows.

~miss Rae

out of my mind.

No matter how much I want it or how bad I try, I can't seem to get you out of my mind. Last night I had a dream. Just a little blip, I guess. Just a thought. You said hello to me. It was a dream though.
I hate you for what you did to me. I hate you for the things you said. I hate that I always felt guilty.
I hate that your kisses still haunt me. That I still crave the way you looked into my eyes. You loved me. You did. I loved you too. Sometimes love is just a beautiful idea. It stirs up all kinds of emotions. The kind that haunt your love and make it shaky. We weren't ready to find each other. Or else, baby, things wouldn't be this way. We would still be wrapped up in each other's arms and making sparkly plans to be together forever. It could have been US. We just weren't ready. I don't care how much you put this on me. In a way, you are probably right. I couldn't deal with all the bullshit. I have enough of my own...
Don't get me wrong, even with all of these feelings, I cannot stand the thought of us getting back together. Not after what has happened, no. That thought makes me feel uneasy. I can't help but think about the good times even when they are tainted with harsh words and horrible actions. My mind can't stop wandering to the memories. The taste of your lips on mine. The sound of your voice whispering in my ear. The almost perfect feeling of you wrapping your arms around me... Just almost perfect. There was always a little something. Something standing in between us. Something neither of us could talk about.
I'm out of my mind, but you are stuck inside. Please, get out.

~miss Rae

I love it...

Sitting here in the middle of the night, I have come to the conclusion that...

it is a time for some serious reflection!

So many thoughts are racing around my head. Thoughts that are scary, thoughts that are sad, thoughts that are happy, thoughts that excite me... you get it. Lot's of thoughts. 

I think I need to focus on positive things. Things that I love and will always be in my memory scrapbook...

I love it...

When family is all you have
and it's okay, because they just get it.

I love it...

When "girl time" means "facial time"

I love it...

When being bored in college is okay
because you find ways to entertain yourself.

I love it...

When you know the party is a success,
because the birthday boy is passed out
exactly where he landed.

I love it...

When you get to kiss on a Ferris wheel.

I love it...

When you get invited to go on adventures with friends.

 I love it...

When people take kissing photos
that make other people feel weird.

I love it...

When baby gets to drive.

 and I even love it...

When you look out your window and find
a pick-up truck full of sheep.

I have a lot to be thankful for. A lot of priceless memories. I could go on forever, adding photos to this list. I love life, I know that one day everything will be sweet again. For now, I guess I'll save my tears. I have used quite enough.

~miss Rae

numb.

World:

The ride is over. Please get off.

I don't know what to do.

I wanted so badly for everything to be okay for just a minute. Is that too much to ask? Yes. 

I gave love a chance. It was amazing until it hurt.

Sometimes, it doesn't matter how much you love something. It doesn't matter how much work you put forth, or how much you sacrifice... Sometimes when all you want is to be happy forever, forever says "SCREW YOU! I don't care how much you love him. I don't care how much it hurts. You aren't getting it. End of discussion." 

Sometimes, you have to take care of yourself. You can't take care of another person if you can't even take care of yourself. It's hard to lift yourself up when at the same time, everything else is trying to pull you under. It's exhausting. I am exhausted.

I am mad.

I am sad. 

I am confused. 

I am awake.

Can I go back to sleep now?

She lives again!

Hello world. I'm back.
I left here for a bit, mostly because I started school and got out of the habit... But I would just like to say that I have missed you so much! Missed writing, anyway. Not exactly sure if anyone actually reads this.
So right at this moment, I am making brown rice. Hopefully it turns out okay, because if not, this starving college student is going to be a little bit starving-errr!
I'm pretty stoked about this brown rice thing. approximately 26 minutes to go!
So, World, I know how anxious you have been to hear a story. (pretend to be anxious)
Once upon a time, this one girl fell in love with a boy whom we will call Pablo. Yes this is a story about me, and no, the boy's name isn't actually Pablo. But it sounds nice, right?
Well, Pablo was great. and they were happy. Until one day, Pablo messed up. BIG TIME.
But the girl was in love with him. Even though he liked Sci-Fi. Even though he was kind of socially weird. And even though he tended to dig his holes very very deep and was difficult to deal with like a small ginger child who won't stop asking for candy... He loved her. He showed it. Aaaand... He was an amazing kisser.
So she decided to give him one more chance to prove that he can be a man. But she was not going to just dive back into a relationship with him and risk getting re-broken...
As for now, my zebra duct taping skills are fast at work, holding my heart and car window together...
All my love! to You and yours.
~miss Rae

Which way?

I often think that I know what I'm doing. Mostly because, as a 19 year old girl, I am still legally a teenager and am therefore required to think I know everything. Which obviously, I do.
As the months go, though, I get closer and closer to 20. I think my knowledge is dwindling. I don't know where to go from here.

~miss rae

"Our time together is just never quite enough..."

Chemo

Chemotherapy is the treatment of cancer with an antineoplastic drug or with a combination of such drugs into a standardized treatment regimen.


Her treatment has always been something we call "pain management." Complete with all of the usual suspects. Painkillers.
Now things will change. Things could become good, as in better, less pain... or. Things could get worse, aggravated, aggressive.