"Twas the night before Christmas..."

...and all through the house, not a creature was stirring... 
except for me, of course!
Christmas Eve, 2011 for about one more minute! (11:59) By the time I finish this sentence, it will be Christmas... .. .There! 
Merry Christmas, World! Also, Happy Holidays to all of you non-Christians out there. You know, in the U.S. Christianity is really huge. It is mind blowing, sometimes, to think about all of the culture in this world! To some, December 25th has no meaning whatsoever. Mind. Blown.


Today, my family celebrated Christmas early. We did this so my sister and her daughter could be a part of the festivities. Christmas is magic when little kids are around. They really make everything so special.
This past week has been very strange. I have felt weird, guys. I can't even explain it. Before yesterday, I was definitely not feeling the "holiday spirit." That all changed around midnight, though. My mom had three quilts made. One for my sister, one for me, and one for my little brother. Out of all of my gifts this year, it was by far my favorite. She said it is so even when one of us is gone, we can always have her arms around us... Me, being the big boob I am, had to cry. I am just one sack of emotions today. (We women get that way on occasion.) I got that holiday spirit, I suppose.
So as I am sitting here, wrapped up in my new quilt, I just want to go for a drive. It has been a long time since I have done that. I'm definitely due for one, that's for sure. Plus, I took a very long nap late in the afternoon today. As such, I am more ruined than usual for sleeping.
Tomorrow morning, around 8:45 AM, I will be dragged to church and probably have to sit on the front row... It shouldn't be too bad, it is a "Special Christmas Meeting." We'll see about that. My big thing is just that, I never go, so everyone will be asking me about my life... Which, if I wanted them to know, I would volunteer that information, don't you think? Or, I guess, I would direct them to read this blog. Even here, though, it is hard to write it all down. I like to remain a mystery in some ways! 
I'm rambling.
Think of sugar plums, candy canes, hooves on the rooftops... Chestnuts... All that jazz.
Good night all.


~miss Rae

geeking out!

Hello, World! It is almost 2 in the morning and I cannot calm down. It may or may not have something to do with the frozen coffee I drank at midnight... But who really knows? Not me. Anyway, I am, as my title states, geeking out! 

Well, what in the world does that even mean, miss Rae?

I'll tell you. It means that I can't stop obsessing/ thinking/ researching over a job that I may or may not even get! It is called, working at a summer camp that is across the country this summer! My best friend worked there as a camp counselor this past summer and loved it! So what did I do? I applied too. Not only did I apply to be a camp counselor, but also as a dance instructor and an art instructor. I think it would be really great if I could teach while I am there. Not only would I make more money as an art or dance instructor, but I would also get to work on developing my talents and watching kids get inspired. Which, I think would be amazing to witness.

Cross your fingers that I will get this job! It would be an incredible experience!

Sincerely,

~miss Rae 

dads and daughters

READ THIS-->  50 Rules for Dads of Daughters <--READ THIS

I just read this blog and it brought tears to my eyes for a couple reasons.
A- Because it is a beautiful list and I hope that one day the father of my children will do it like this.
AND
B- Because my own daddy did a few of these things... Some big ones, he did not. We still have troubles understanding one another a lot of the time.
Number 18 tugs at my heart string the hardest. 

"18. Tell her she’s beautiful. Say it over and over again. Someday an animated movie or “beauty” magazine will try to convince her otherwise."

I don't remember my dad ever telling me I was beautiful. I heard mostly the opposite from him. He always was telling me that I needed to loose weight. Even when I was in elementary school. I have spent a lot of money and countless years worth of time trying to please him. Trying to look beautiful enough for Daddy. I have starved myself, purged, joined all of the weight loss programs, bought all of the supplies, done all of the things that they tell you to do and not to do... One day, he'll say, "Wow, Joz! You look beautiful!" He'll say that word. That day, I will believe it.

"...All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't." ~Marilyn Monroe

Remember this daddy's. The whole list, really. Your girls may act like they don't care what you think or say about or to them, but it is your opinion that is one of the most important to them. What you don't want is for them to really not care. That is a tragedy indeed.

I love my dad. He really is amazing. We've had our ups and downs, but what are fathers for? No one is perfect. Least of all, me.

Be sure to click the link at the top of this page! It really is fantastic. 

*.*Happy Holidays*.*

~miss Rae

take a step back

Have you ever been in trouble? Have you ever been so scared about where you are headed that all you can think to do is grip the arm rests, close your eyes, and just take the ride to see what happens? 

      I have.

I am sitting in the presence of two of my best friends in the world. We haven't known each other for very long. In fact, when we all came together and found each other, we were all complete strangers. The crazy thing about life is that the friends you work the hardest for are never around for very long. Best friends somehow just become present. Always. Its a beautifully twisted thing, is it not?
Sometimes its good to get into trouble. It feels dangerous. It is inky. It is exciting. A real thrill. For those of you who do not know, a thrill is one of the most liberating feelings a person can experience. Although, thrills come in all shapes and sizes. For some, a walk to the mail box does it. it happens. For others a crazy, loop filled, make-you-scream roller coaster is what gets them going. That's just it, though, right?

Whatever gets you going.

I have found that living on the edge is a scenic way to go. You can see where you are going, no buildings to block your view. You can see the sky above, earth and air split below, you have options to the left and endless, incredible, unexplored adventure to the right. In my case at least. My edge, I imagine, finds me with my right to the outside. It protects my heart from unexpected blows from what the ever-changing edge brings. A pattern in my life. Always trying to protect that crazy, taped up heart. 
The thing about messing with trouble is eventually it catches up to you. Eventually, you get caught. At least a little bit. A little bit you say? Well, kids, there is always a bright side if you look for one. There has to be. It's the rules! You know, if there is good, there is bad. If there is God, there is Satan. If there is Sun, there is Rain. Rich and poor. Cold and hot. You get it. moving on. Needless to say, lemonade is one of my favorite drinks. Which is appropriately convenient for a girl who gets handed a lot of lemons.
Speaking of lemons, ALLEGEDLY, chocolate cake shots are a mighty fine idea. According to a panel of responsible adults ages 21 and up, of course. How do you do it right? ALLEGEDLY, you take a small slice of lemon and put some sugar on it. Set that aside. Then, get some SKYY vodka... (well I suppose any vodka would do. what do I know?) mix it with the chocolate liquore. Frangelica, I believe.  A little bit goes a long way. pour both of those into a shot class. Now you are ready for a treat! Take the previously sugared lemon wedge and bite it :) don't be scared, just do it. THEN! QUICK! Take the shot. And voi la! Liquid cake that eventually makes you drunk. Now, take a breather, and repeat until desired results are obtained. It really is quite tastey... ALLEGEDLY! 
I guess I got a little distracted.
Sometimes, great minds think alike. Like tonight, when my friends and I were writing back and forth to each other on none other than, you guessed it, facebook. Things were getting a little bit poetic and a lot a bit deep. It was kind of therapeutic and pretty impressive. Take a gander. 

We are going to be famous. 

We'll start with Blue. I call him lil' bro Blue.

"you say dueces, i say triplets. they niplets, they cold. we bold. i said it one time, i'll do it thrice times. cuzz we ain't scared, we impared, ballin in the beach sand, ohh no, here comes the rain, man. we stand still cause he know the deal. yeahh, he'll try to drill, but we all know it's juss for the thrill. now we behind the wheel, drivers seat in this snitch. were sewer rich, were ballin so throw me the pitch, take the bat to the ball, down the hall, it's rainin, we dancin, they prancin, cause they know we ain't romancin. i feel like shakespeare, writin these lyrics here, but we ball hard, cause nobody comes near." ~Dakota Blue

Followed by me. They call me Juicy J...

"when your dancing in a rain, the pain isn't the same. it gets a little numb, put your index to your thumb and riide it low and slow. 'head down, knees closed, eyes forward.' its all in the life. all in the movement. in every breath of air i find something else. not just life but a song. clearin that. drawing circles that turn into eyes. staring right through this skin. wearing a mask with a smile so big. its hiding all those secrets. you can't take it. you couldn't even pretend. because all those people who smile back are just players in this game." ~Josie Rae

and then Charzard said...

"Damnnn you guys just shit on me double! How they gonna play us like this? The devil lurks around lunch time tomorrow and angels will fall from the sky. Were pushing our limits and reaching out for help but with no where to turn, were lost in the path of the least resistance and selling our souls cheap. Were not trying to go to the dark side but sometimes you do what you do. Its slamming hard tomorrow and maybe for the next few weeks, we have to prepare. NOW. Before we are completely taken over by the fame, money and power. In the end you have to love yourself, and like you for you. Otherwise you will never come back to planet earth and hopefully your soul will find the right direction. For now the willows haunt the future and the brook will be crumbling down into a never ending spiral. We can do it, we just have to believe in ourselves" ~Charlie Patrick

words have billions of meanings.

ME:lovin on this photograph lil bro blue 

BLUE:you know im your big bro blue, lookin out for the rain, mayne, cause we know it's in our brain. So tell me juicy, why are we so flyy, in the freezing cold. oh yeahhh, I forgot...we bold.

ME: don't trip blue. your my big lil B. you gots the heights, i gots the wise. this is my demise. my honor. with us it's never borin. we'll be sellin it in the mornin.

BLUE:comin up from the gutters, one o'clock rolls around, close all the shutters. it's goin down, whether you like it or not, you better replace that frown. I'm your big lil B, it'll never be juss a story, it'll ride dirty, right next to you like it's 3:30. you feel me juicy? and i meant A.M. it's gonna haunt, and it's gonna taunt. But we'll look back with a smile, even when were all old and scenile. most people become dried up like a lake, a prune, but we'll be in the sand doons, maybe in the jungle, baboons. These rhymes are no mistake, at one point it was a heartache. breathe, take it in, soak it up, let the heat drain all sin. Under the wings of this pheonix, birds, their watchin. soaring in the skyy, but riddle me this one thing cause i really wanna know why. I poor it out, take it in but in the end it always seems to win. down the drains, it IS in my brain. the nucleus, alpha, up the tubes to the sky, and ill make it rain on em, to the brain... and then you can take this riddle, but it might become brittle. trust, it's built into the game and if your tryin to say sain, best get used to the rain.

ME:  baboons lil' B? you are monkeying my mind. they say get to your grind. but my grinds been grinding me! what more can i do? what more can i say? to make all of everyone's hurt melt away... i don't know the answer to that one B. But I guess i'm about to find out. you'll see.

BLUE:In the future juicy, we'll see. it'll come down like poseidon in the middle of the ocean, poring rain, we'll all be dancing on titanic, so don't freight, there's no need to paniccc. :)

ME:  good deal.. and our words, the ones by lil B and Juicy? boy they are ill. soon our minds will be free as the sea.

...

Well I guess I lost focus on exactly what I began to write about, today. But maybe the moral is this: No matter how bad things get, they can always get much worse... Just kidding. Like, that is true, but eventually things will get better. Someone, somewhere will pull through and be able to show you an option that you didn't even know you had. A way out. A get out of hell free card. 

~miss Rae

Who are your true friends?

Sometimes, you have a lot of friends in high school.

Sometimes, you keep them close after that bitter-sweet graduation ceremony.

Sometimes, you go to college.

And you make friends who will be there forever.

Friends who will be a part of your most special moments.

Sometimes, your best friend isn't the same age as you are...

Sometimes, your friends have your back no matter what.

<3 those friends make life worth it.

Sometimes, best friends have to go away for a while.

But they are always close to your heart.

I love my friends.

I consider them part of my family.

My family is my life.

What makes a best friend?

How do you know who will be there?

Who knows.

~miss Rae

out of my mind.

No matter how much I want it or how bad I try, I can't seem to get you out of my mind. Last night I had a dream. Just a little blip, I guess. Just a thought. You said hello to me. It was a dream though.
I hate you for what you did to me. I hate you for the things you said. I hate that I always felt guilty.
I hate that your kisses still haunt me. That I still crave the way you looked into my eyes. You loved me. You did. I loved you too. Sometimes love is just a beautiful idea. It stirs up all kinds of emotions. The kind that haunt your love and make it shaky. We weren't ready to find each other. Or else, baby, things wouldn't be this way. We would still be wrapped up in each other's arms and making sparkly plans to be together forever. It could have been US. We just weren't ready. I don't care how much you put this on me. In a way, you are probably right. I couldn't deal with all the bullshit. I have enough of my own...
Don't get me wrong, even with all of these feelings, I cannot stand the thought of us getting back together. Not after what has happened, no. That thought makes me feel uneasy. I can't help but think about the good times even when they are tainted with harsh words and horrible actions. My mind can't stop wandering to the memories. The taste of your lips on mine. The sound of your voice whispering in my ear. The almost perfect feeling of you wrapping your arms around me... Just almost perfect. There was always a little something. Something standing in between us. Something neither of us could talk about.
I'm out of my mind, but you are stuck inside. Please, get out.

~miss Rae

I love it...

Sitting here in the middle of the night, I have come to the conclusion that...

it is a time for some serious reflection!

So many thoughts are racing around my head. Thoughts that are scary, thoughts that are sad, thoughts that are happy, thoughts that excite me... you get it. Lot's of thoughts. 

I think I need to focus on positive things. Things that I love and will always be in my memory scrapbook...

I love it...

When family is all you have
and it's okay, because they just get it.

I love it...

When "girl time" means "facial time"

I love it...

When being bored in college is okay
because you find ways to entertain yourself.

I love it...

When you know the party is a success,
because the birthday boy is passed out
exactly where he landed.

I love it...

When you get to kiss on a Ferris wheel.

I love it...

When you get invited to go on adventures with friends.

 I love it...

When people take kissing photos
that make other people feel weird.

I love it...

When baby gets to drive.

 and I even love it...

When you look out your window and find
a pick-up truck full of sheep.

I have a lot to be thankful for. A lot of priceless memories. I could go on forever, adding photos to this list. I love life, I know that one day everything will be sweet again. For now, I guess I'll save my tears. I have used quite enough.

~miss Rae