This is my voice, my story, my opinions, my beliefs...

"If they love your work that is always great. If they despise it, it is also a compliment... At least they felt something! Make them feel it." ~Anna Jorgenson

Thursday, April 21, 2011

a nasty case of insomnia

Sup World.
You know, night time is really the best time for anything at all... When you live somewhere where nighttime is actually alive. I come from a place like that, naturally. I was born and raised in Las Vegas, Nevada. A city which thrives on the night. One that does not sleep, except between 4 and 5 AM. A city that I still call home, even though, it's not so homey.
Once upon a time, Mom and Dad decided it would be a good idea to move to Utah. NOT LIKE IT WAS BAD ENOUGH, a small town... in. Utah... Yep. I'm not going to lie, I was excited for a change of pace. What I didn't realize was that my pace would go from Jack Rabbit to almost dead turtle. (If you have ever mowed a lawn using a push mower with the "speed thingy," (I don't know what it's called) you understand that when you want the lawnmower to do most of the work for you so you don't have to push so hard, you crank that baby up till it is next to "the rabbit." to the turtle for more of a challenge.) It really isn't so bad if you enjoy having noting to do. It's really great if you like going to A GAS STATION for a drink at 11:00 and finding it CLOSED! What kind of gas station closes??? Small town Utah ones, apparently.
For about three years I have had a lovely case of insomnia. It comes in handy for getting things done. A smart person would use this valuable anti sleep time to do something productive. That, unfortunately, is simply not my style. You see, at night is when my mind wakes up. It doesn't want to do things that "the man" wants it to do. My mind wants to paint. It wants to think about EVERYTHING. It wants to write, compose, read books that have nothing to do with school. It most definitely does not want to work on that research paper due next week. Or study for finals the week after. And above all, it doesn't want to let me let everything on it go and rest.
So what do I do? I've tried everything. Facing south. Drinking warm herbal tea (sans caffeine). Telling myself ridiculous relaxation stories about flying on a cloud, landing in my favorite place, telling each and every part of my body that it is relaxed... When I do that exercise, I do get very relaxed, but then I start to think, why am I so completely aware of how relaxed my elbows are all of a sudden?! And the whole thing is thrown off. I'm telling you. I'm nuts. The best part is that I know this about myself, so that makes it okay, in my opinion.
I have dance class in about eight hours. I still have time to sleep for a normal amount of time. Will I? Probably not. That would make way too much sense.
Well, sweet dreams to you folks. I'm going to draw. Be proud of me! That is homework for my three hour art class tomorrow!

Until next time,
~ miss Rae

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